Have you ever begged for something...begged out of your own possessiveness...out of your own desire...out of compulsion of your own emotions...begged to make yourself wanted? have you ever begged helplessly...begged for something which you will never get? do you feel stuck...have you ever cried? felt alone? coiled inside yourself? wanted to speak but didnt have the right words? wanted someone to understand you..the you inside? wanted to hold that hand which was never yours...wanted to reach out but there was emptyness all around...?
where do these thoughts come from? why do we think? I picked up my phone again...thousands of names in the call list...hundreds of texts that filled my inbox...but there was hardly anyone whom I could call...I screamed inside the empty room...the mirrors reflected my helpless insanity...the marble floors wet with unreasonable tears...the room looks blurred now...its almost end of another day...like everyday...

There are somedays, when you feel blank...there's a strange kind of emptyness inside..and its kind of stubborn like me...i dont know...have i lost something?

I have a presentation on Monday...Right now I'm supposed to work on online help and usability ...but as usual I end up posting silly stuff...

I'm really curious that who reads my posts? Do they really understand what I want to say? Does it really matter? My narcissm is getting hold of me again...I'm going through my blog...sulk written all over...

Monday I will be in that room..giant screens...white boards...fat markers...the rectangular table...my colleagues with their questioning glances, busy taking down notes...and me standing on one end of the room...alone... trying to prove myself desperately...what am i trying to prove?

Please do not post your comments for this one...its just one of my weird vent out posts....Guess I'll delete it soon...

...

"We used to walk down by the river
She loved to watch the sun go down
We used to walk along the river
And dream our way out of this town
No one understood what I felt for Mary
No one cared until the night, she went out walkin all alone
And never came home..."
Hazard-Richard Marx

Its almost evening.. pale twilight sneaks into my room...music continues...My bed neatly done...pages of an unread book aimlessly flutters...The mirror with wooden frames reflects the last rays of sunset...The grey shadows kiss the dark walls...

The sky drenched in amber...birds on their way home... shops well lit...street lights glittered, though it was not yet dark...The air had a strange fragrance...it smelled of evening...the crowded streets looked empty...cars moved monotonously on the tarred stetch ahead...Far across the tall highrises blinked in the evening light... crisp air, rusty street lights and a cold evening, draped the city...